15 January 2014

"What do you want to do with your life?!"

*Unrelated image that is actually related to this that I've had floating around in my files for a while.

I felt like an important issue needed to be addressed, here. For months, maybe even years I have had to think about what I want to do when I leave high school, the (for me) dreaded move from a comfortable, expected environment to (to be quite honest) expected route of University. Now, I know that University is completely optional, and that there are other options: take a gap year to figure out what you want to do, get a full time job, get an apprenticeship, etc.

That side issue aside, I feel like there is a burdening pressure on students these days to figure out what they want to do with their life at the mere age of fifteen, sixteen, seventeen; because the subjects you choose in Year Eleven or Twelve could impact what University courses you get into, etc.

For the longest while now I personally have been toying with the idea of working in magazines. There really is nothing I can think of that I would want to do besides that. It's hard when you don't exactly know how to get there, and you don't have the information you need and good advice from industry specialists to aim to get there.

I want to work in the magazine industry. I want to be the editor for a magazine like Frankie, or Yen, or Betty, or Rookie. I could literally spend my whole income on magazines. The list goes on; I want to be that stylish, amazingly cool editor -- like the unbelievable phenomenon that is Tavi Gevinson -- for a vintage magazine that aims to empower women, celebrate arts and crafts, shoots wonderful photography, has interesting, well-written and thoughtful articles that are a mile and a half away from the mind numbing, pointless gossip magazine articles.

I want to be apart of that whole frantic, amazing, creative space with creative individuals who are all trying to meet deadlines for a creative project they love. I want to be passionate about what I do, and have others around me that are passionate, and that understand me -- that understand how I have to finish this by midnight to get it to the printers, or that understand how pretty that photo is, or understand how important that message is to put across, and I want people that empower me and make me feel like I am doing something worthy.

But I do not want rules or restrictions. I want to be creative, and use my art and design brain as well as the written side. I want to create something I'm proud of that is aesthetically pleasing and wonderful as well as intelligent. I just want to create something creative that won't bound me by a grade: an achieved, or a merit, or an excellence. I want something that is ungradeable -- yes I made that word up -- I want something that people will appreciate, and love, and cherish in their own bare hands. I want to do something with my life that is both challenging and really, really hard to explain -- that I just want to do whatever I like and have a good time doing it.

And I value print. Print is dying. Online magazines are the new thing. Except online magazines are really not good. I want to hold something in my hands, feel the paper, line up the issues lovingly on my bookshelf, not hold the back and sides of an i-Pad and have them all stored in a cloud. It makes it even harder to get into this industry; when the industry is dying and getting even more competitive at the same time, and it is changing and evolving.

I want to make a change somehow. Here in New Zealand, there are no magazines that I know of that strictly have all of the above listed things. They're all from Australia, or Europe. How am I going to make my dream come true if I'm doing something no one has done before in my country? To get a magazine published and put into your local bookstores everywhere; I mean it's harder than trying to get a novel published here in New Zealand.

Sometimes I feel like I am limited to what I can do here. I want to live where big things happen. I don't want to sit here wasting away my life on something I might be easily able to do overseas and have a bigger audience for. And in midst of this there are so, so many other unanswered questions about how is this even possible? Work experience is a must in the magazine industry. And it's hard. It really is -- to be competing against about a million other girls or guys who want that work experience in a magazine, like something you see in the movies.

I'm interested in fashion, and in art, design, and photography. I like home decor, interior design, food, travel, writing, reading, blogging etc etc. The list goes on.

My question is; where is the available help, how exactly can you explain all of this to one person and get an answer to how you're going to get to your goal; how you're going to live your dream. It seems very impossible when there is no one who understands it or is supporting you. And it is even more difficult when you are not learning the industry at school, you are not learning what you want to eventually do. And then University -- where is my course which signs me up for magazine production and publishing, writing and photography all bundled up in one?

My problem is, I know what I want to do, but I don't know how I'm going to get there, and to me, that is scary.

Note: This was an impulsive bit of writing I just thought I had to get out. I feel as though this has been bundled up in my chest tight for a long time.

'til next time.

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